Sarah, 17 - Middle Tennessee
I feel passionately about taking a stand for abstinence, and I have the opportunity to share my story with middle schoolers around our area. When I go out to talk with these kids, I'm learning that middle schoolers know more and more about sex, definitely more than I did when I was in middle school! I'm certain that the pressures of sex are coming a lot earlier to our young people. When starting the 6th grade, I knew the basics, but when I sat in on "health" assemblies, I pretty much decided to not decide about sex. I guess I figured that I would let whatever happened to me happen... because it was supposed to. I didn't really think I would have to make any huge decisions, anyway. All of my life, I had looked up to an older girl who was like a sister to me. Growing up, I spent a lot of time with Alicia because my mom was single and working and she couldn't always be home. When Alicia went to college, my mom remarried. A couple years later, I started my busy freshman year and suddenly I was busy all of the time. I was taking harder classes, getting involved in clubs, and building new relationships. When my mom and my step-dad got a divorce towards the middle of the year, it turned my world upside down. It had been my biggest fear for a long time, and I just knew that I couldn't go through divorce myself.
In the same month, I received a phone call from Alicia. Clearly she was upset about the news, but she had some of her own news to share with me. She was pregnant. She was getting married. And she didn't think that she could finish college. I'll always remember her telling me, "You're lying to yourself if you think that you can have sex with someone without giving a part of your heart away, too."
I believe in second chances, but I know that Alicia probably won't get one. Personally, Alicia's story scared me to death. I didn't want to have to look my mother in the eye to tell her that I was pregnant. I can't put my dreams on hold because of one bad decision.
In the future, I want to marry the guy that I can connect with on spiritual, emotional, intellectual, AND physical levels. And I'm not satisfied with just one level. I'm doing all that I can now to make sure that I start my future relationships on a basis of trust. I will be able to tell my husband-to-be that I was faithful to him, even before I met him. And I will not become a part of the 43% of children of divorced parents whose marriages end in divorce as well.
I set my physical and emotional boundaries for myself in 9th grade so that I was proactive in my decision making. I choose where my life goes; and that means not just letting "whatever happens happen." Setting and knowing my own boundaries has made dating relationships stronger and healthier in my life. My boyfriend of 6 months knows exactly how far I'll go, and that physical part of our relationship has never been pressured. It really frees us up to get to know each other on deeper levels and to be supportive of each others futures.