Steps to Help Your Teen Choose Abstinence
Be informed of what is going on in your teen’s life. Stay involved, even when life gets busy and your relationship with your teen gets off-track.
Talk about the risks because what teens don’t know WILL hurt them.
Learn more about these consequences:
:: Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
:: Teen Pregnancy
:: Emotional Effects
Be committed because you must send a clear, concise message because mixed messages do not work.
Stress the rewards for waiting—abstinence opens the door to a promising future.
Achieving Personal Goals:
:: Freedom from the Consequences of Sexual Activity
:: Freedom to Live Life
:: A Happy Marriage
Be there for your teen in body and mind. Spend quality, face-to-face time with your teen.
Build Self-Esteem in your teen. Teach them that they are special and significant through a balanced approach using the following three elements:
Affirmation: Showing or telling your teen you care about them because of who they are. Show a genuine interest in what they are doing. Be present at regular or special events involving your teen.
Affection: A display of appropriate affection at appropriate times—hugs, kisses and pat on the back.
Achievement: Affirm your teen’s achievement. When doing this, focus not only on the achievement but the steps that it took to reach the goal (character traits)
Talk about relationships and help them define differences between infatuation and real love.
Establish rules and boundaries that are reasonable.
Teach refusal skills
:: Set It
:: Say It
:: Show It
Show unconditional love. It is never too late or too early to show your teen that you love them. Do it often and in many different ways.
Mixed Messages
"Be home by 10:00 pm, but if you can’t, call and tell us where you are."
"Clean up your room before you go out, or at least make sure you do it by Sunday."
Teens just like adults tend to have selective hearing. They only hear the second part of the message, which is the least restrictive.
What happens when you do this to discuss at-risk teen behaviors (behaviors that affect their lives and futures)?
Don’t drink and drive, but if you do, make sure you are in a large car with your seatbelt fastened.
Don’t smoke, but if you do, only smoke filtered cigarettes.
Don’t do drugs, but if you do, only use clean needles.
Don’t have sex until you are married, but if you do, be safe.
As parents, we want to guide our teens to make healthy, safe, and wise choices. Parents think they are giving direct messages, but do not realize they are also offering unhealthy compromises. Be clear and concise in the message you want your teen to hear. Don’t be afraid to send a message that may not be consistent with what you were told as a teen or what you actually did as a teen… you are not being a hypocrite for wanting your teen to learn from your life experiences.
The Safe Sex Message...
The term “safe sex” means the male uses a latex condom to reduce the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease and to prevent pregnancy.
Condoms can break and slip off during and after intercourse. They are also heat and cold sensitive causing them to weaken and deteriorate. For condoms to be effective they must be used consistently and correctly 100% of the time.
How many teens do you know that do things consistently and correctly 100% of the time?
When using condoms for birth control:
Married couples experience a 14 to 16% failure rate
Sexually active teens experience up to a 20% failure rate.
Condoms do not provide protection from the negative emotional consequences as a result of teen sex, such as a broken heart.
(Examples were taken from Parents, Teens and SEX-The Big Talk Book)